No holidays this year, please

If I had the money I would go out of the country. At least then I could pretend the people closest to me just can’t be with me because I’m FAR out of town, rather than because they aren’t quite close enough and/or they care more about their own circles than me being alone. Like go somewhere and be alone and out of the triggering cold. Too much of the triggering cold. James leaving and me isolating in my apartment – like Jack Nicholson in the Shining – and going to the hospital and just wanting it to stop/end.

I have to get far away from here. Or just stay here in my apartment. I don’t think there’s any in between.