I want a divorce …and someday, I’ll pray for you

Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, but after everything you’ve done
I can thank you for how strong I have become

‘Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I’ll just say this is “I wish you farewell”

I hope you’re somewhere prayin’, prayin’
I hope your soul is changin’, changin’
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin’

I’m proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come
‘Cause I can make it on my own, oh
And I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known
I’ll bring thunder, I’ll bring rain, oh
When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

You brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I’ll just say this is “I wish you farewell”

I hope you’re somewhere prayin’, prayin’
I hope your soul is changin’, changin’
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin’

Ah sometimes, I pray for you at night, oh
Someday, maybe you’ll see the light
Whoa oh, some say, in life, you’re gonna get what you give
But some things only God can forgive

Yeah! (I hope you’re somewhere prayin’, prayin’)
I hope your soul is changin’, changin’
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin’

Kesha, 2017

(Is Kesha in the program?)

2017: the year I bought a house – my first house – with him. The year I said “I do” in Vegas, in a drive-thru chapel with a stained glass window.

You brought the flames and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself
And we both know all the truth I could tell
I’ll just say this is “I wish you farewell”

The minister took our order and gave it to us – for a year and a half of sustenance, but for a cost of many more.

2004: the year my first husband left. The year I decided I wasn’t worth more than mental, emotional, and physical abuse. 

Fear of abandonment became my Master.

2013: the year I got sober.

2019: the year I left my second husband. The year I changed my mind.

I’m proud of who I am
No more monsters, I can breathe again
And you said that I was done
Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come
‘Cause I can make it on my own, oh
And I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known

This time I ignored the Monster and looked my second husband dead in the eye; and with a calm assertiveness I didn’t know I had, I said “I want a divorce.”

And when he shamed me for hours until he went to bed drunk, I stayed steadfast and repeated “I want a divorce.”

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2023: the year I listen to one of my favorite songs and pray for Joel and Patrick and Erik and Billy and Rodney and Augie and Jameson.

When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name