It’s not you it’s them

I don’t forget the unspoken agreements we make with our eyes in those moments.

Have you ever been utterly confused because someone you thought totally got you seems to not understand a certain thing you’re trying to explain?

It’s like gaslighting on steroids.

Like wait if they don’t get it then maybe I don’t get it! Wait what is actually even really going on??!

I’m here to tell you that you’re not crazy, one.

Two, they might actually totally get it – but they become too comfortable with contradicting you. There was a time when they immediately saw the similarities between the two of you. It was a soul matching sort of thing. Then they got too comfortable. They started taking the coziness of your walls for granted. They made themselves at home and put their feet up and before either of you knew what was happening….

“Well…..hmm, no….I disagree.”

They no longer feel compelled to come closer.

Now they want to stand in their comfortable little sanctioned space you’ve made for them and look at you dead on and say “no I don’t think that’s how it was/is/can be/should be/ever was …….”

Now it’s a game. How far can I get and how long can I stay away before you miss me or even say no don’t come back please….I’ve grown used to you not being round.

And three: it doesn’t even fuckin matter. Not one or two or any fuckin thing. You don’t like how this feels? …..

Walk away babe.

I’ve lived long enough to know that there is is one for sure thing: I’ve waited much too long and spent way too much time

too long with

Yellers
and laughers
and look-awayers
and askers
and cryers
and pleaders
and arguers
and convincers
and lookers
and throwers
and hitters
and droppers
and avoiders
and divorcers
and standing in the dark just to walk into the streetlight enough for you to see them across the street
looking at you

looking at them from behind the “secure” entrance”.

Lookers
unconvincing.

It’s unconvincing

even their kind words.

Just walk away. Leave them in the light and the dark. Leave them with the words you thought you needed to say. Leave them with their questions as to how you could just walk away.

And just walk away.