“Without Me”

Two trailer park girls go round the outside
Round the outside, round the outside

Eminem, 2004

Every time I hear Slim spit this song I remember my first wedding. This song had hit the stations just days before. Fans were losing their minds.

The Marshall Mathers LP had come out 2 years ago and erupted onto the pop AND hip hop scene like hot spicy sweet acid sent to burn 1,000,000 preconceptions. Eminem was my shit; he was one of the holy trifecta we bowed to circa early 2000’s. Shit maybe we were a holy trifecta: Andrea, Mike, and me.*🙇🏻‍♀️✊🏼

The three of us were a tight fuckin crew. In the 90’s, they stayed up all night helping me write a paper due in the morning. We called the corners to protect their new house and walked around it several times with Mike’s grandfather’s sword, to seal that witchy shit in good. We philosophized for hours upon hours to Nirvana and laughed so fucking hard.

Now it was 2002 and preconceptions were set to burn again.

I’ve created a monster
‘Cause nobody wants to see Marshall no more
They want Shady, I’m chopped liver
Well, if you want Shady, this is what I’ll give ya
A little bit of weed mixed with some hard liquor
Some vodka that’ll jump start my heart quicker
Than a shock when I get shocked at the hospital
By the doctor when I’m not co-operating
When I’m rockin’ the table while he’s operating
You waited this long, now stop debating
‘Cause I’m back, I’m on the rag and ovulating
I know that you got a job, Ms. Cheney
But your husband’s heart problem’s complicating
So the FCC won’t let me be
Or let me be me, so let me see
They try to shut me down on MTV
But it feels so empty, without me
So, come on and dip, bum on your lips
Fuck that, cum on your lips and some on your tits
And get ready, ’cause this is about to get heavy
I just settled all my lawsuits, fuck you, Debbie!
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just follow me
‘Cause we need a little, controversy
‘Cause it feels so empty, without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just follow me
‘Cause we need a little, controversy
‘Cause it feels so empty, without me
Little hellions, kids feelin’ rebellious
Embarrassed their parents still listen to Elvis
They start feelin’ like prisoners, helpless
‘Til someone comes along on a mission and yells, “Bitch”
A visionary, vision of scary
Could start a revolution, pollutin’ the airwaves
A rebel, so just let me revel and bask
In the fact that I got everyone kissin’ my ass
And it’s a disaster, such a catastrophe
For you to see so damn much of my ass, you asked for me?
Well, I’m back, da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Fix your bent antenna tune it in and then I’m gonna
Enter in, endin’ up under your skin like a splinter
The center of attention, back for the winter
I’m interesting, the best thing since wrestling
Infesting, in your kid’s ears and nesting
“Testing, attention, please”
Feel the tension, soon as someone mentions me
Here’s my ten cents, my two cents is free
A nuisance, who sent? You sent for me?
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just follow me
‘Cause we need a little, controversy
‘Cause it feels so empty, without me
I said, this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just follow me
‘Cause we need a little, controversy
‘Cause it feels so empty, without me
A-tisket a-tasket, I go tit for tat with
Anybody who’s talkin’ this shit that shit
Chris Kirkpatrick, you can get your ass kicked
Worse than them little Limp Bizkit bastards
And Moby? You can get stomped by Obie
You 36-year-old bald headed fag, blow me
You don’t know me, you’re too old, let go
It’s over, nobody listen to techno
Now let’s go, just gimme the signal
I’ll be there with a whole list full of new insults
I been dope, suspenseful with a pencil
Ever since Prince turned himself into a symbol
But sometimes the shit just seems
Everybody only wants to discuss me
So this must mean I’m disgusting
But it’s just me, I’m just obscene
No, I’m not the first king of controversy
I am the worst thing since Elvis Presley
To do Black music so selfishly
And used it to get myself wealthy (hey)
There’s a concept that works
20 million other white rappers emerge
But no matter how many fish in the sea
It’ll be so empty, without me
Now this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just follow me
‘Cause we need a little, controversy
‘Cause it feels so empty without me
I said this looks like a job for me
So everybody, just follow me
‘Cause we need a little, controversy
‘Cause it feels so empty without me

Eminem, 2002

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When the dj started the song I exploded with excitement.

I ran to the dance floor in my Jim Hjelm dress and started dancing like it was for my life.

…At one point I yelled at the top of my lungs “Fuck yeah, motherfuckers!!!”

A second later I looked over and saw my 3-year old cousin dancing with my aunt a few feet away . For a quarter of a second I reflected on my language with concern.

Then I thought “fuck em if they can’t take a joke“.

It’s my wedding.

That whole day was so choice. Beautiful music, 
8 beautiful sisters in 8 different black cocktail dresses, and 
one beautiful girl with a dress more cream paving the path in rose petals 
for me, 
walking between the people, beautiful stone gargoyle on a pedestal 
next to my husband 
next to a glass wall: 

here, folks, we have the beautiful Mississippi River. Watch her walk and listen to the song they’ve chosen.

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown
Good Lord, show me the way!
O brothers let’s go down
Let’s go down, come on down
Come on brothers let’s go down
Down in the river to pray
As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way!
O mothers let’s go down
Let’s go down, come on down
Come on mothers let’s go down
Down in the river to pray
As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way!
O fathers let’s go down
Let’s go down, come on down
Come on fathers let’s go down
Down in the river to pray

Alison Krauss

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*1998: Christmas Break:
They sat at that kitchen table with me for hours that night. And even though we were almost out of coke, and I was informing my boyfriend that I was
1) pregnant,
2) going to abort it, and
3) had started into the stash less than a half hour after finding out,
they never showed a hint of discomfort – of “yikes, I kinda wanna get up and leave –
they were there for it…they would not abandon their post.